So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
