it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
