So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
