My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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