he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
