Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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