I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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