im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
