I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize