i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
