and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
