she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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