As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
