he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
