Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
