well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
