so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I look better un-naked...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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