If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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