He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
