My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
