Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
