Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
