Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
