I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
