I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
