it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
