I'm so fucking centered right now
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
