So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Randomize
