It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
