Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
