I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
