There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
