So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
