i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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