I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
