in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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