Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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