How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
