We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
