I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize