last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
