I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
