Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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