Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
