just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
