I want to walk on stilts...naked
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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