TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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