Got a toothbrush?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
