your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
