she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
