My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
