So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
