Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
