I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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