What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
