why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
