did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize