The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
