Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
