Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
