Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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