Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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