Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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