we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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