i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
