Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
